validation

Validation is a very simple exercise that helps in lot of routine issues that you face in your relationships and interactions with others. Validation technique focus on accepting the existence of issue rather than denying [or not accepting] it.

It works on three levels:

1. Listen & pay attention: Whenever you are faced with a situation where someone comes to you and starts talking about his/her problem [or issue or concern], first thing you do is to listen. Listen to him with great attention and positive attitude. Your body language should be forthcoming showing your interest in listening about it. There are two more things that you need to take care at this moment - a) Stop finding an answer. Do not think about the solution. b) Avoid judgments.

2. Reflect and Clarify: Reflect on the situation and also clarify it. Ask the person if what you understand is correct. This step mostly will involve framing the issue in your words. Make sure you do not add your views or judgments at this stage. Just repeat what the other person has been saying and get confirmation from him. It will assure him that you have been attentive enough to listen to him. And it will be a positive display of your concern.

3. Now try and guess what the person might be going through. Try and formulate small questions that will help the other person express himself in a better way. Many a times the person in distress find it very difficult to express his feelings. Help them by guessing lots of possible feelings. Something like "oh so you are feeling tired?" "oh but are you feeling ashamed?" or so on. These questions will help you in knowing more about the situation.

Once you have followed these steps, you will find yourself in much better situation to deal with the issue. And even if you are not capable to solve it, you have been a great help for someone to understand it better.

Give it a try. I feel it will work well.

ps: Learnt from Dave and Fiona in the workshop organized by Dream-A-Dream. Will update about it more soon.