the black cat

The incident goes back really far in my memory.

I was studying in class IX. We had a very nice home in Khandwa and had spent some of the best moments there.
The events in last few months were not going in our ways. We had some family issues; my dad was facing lot of pressure on the work front. My mom was not having best time with health; she faced one accident also.

Suddenly there came another bolt form the blue; one big incident and we all were totally shattered. It looked like we were under spell of some curse. We were not able to digest the fact that these all was happening with us. Mind you, my family (including me, even I was very religious then) is a religious one, so we never expected that we might have to suffer so much.

In the time of pain and sadness, our conscience and logic takes a beating. The same happened with my mom (and later with me). There was black cat in our surrounding. She used to roam around for food in the whole area. One fine day, my mom realized (or recalled) that she saw that black cat every time before some bad thing happened with my family. Initially her inner voice did not allow her to come to any conclusion. But slowly, the fear overpowered the logic and beliefs.

She became sure that this black cat was a messenger of some bad news. There was a fear in her mind every time she saw the cat. Being a pious lady, she could not think about doing any harm to the poor cat. So only thing we did was, whenever we would see the cat, we would make her run away from our home. I would always do that. I dint mind it, as long as my mother was not getting tense in apprehension of some bad thing.

But as the time passed, even I started to fear by the look of the cat. I still don’t know if the fear was only because of the turn of events, or the infamous myths associated with a black cat. But I did start fearing the sight of the cat.

Time passed by, we shifted from Khandwa, to Indore and then I came to Bangalore for studies. I never saw a black cat again.
Some days back, I saw the black cat again, and again I was shivering. I feared so much that I could listen to my heart pounding. I could not believe that I was behaving in such a way. But I have to accept that I did feel the fear. I tired to relate some of the recent bad events of my life with the same. But I could not convince my inner-voice. So I gave up the fear.

This time the black cat has given birth to three cute kittens. So she has taken shelter in our neighborhood. As the time is passing, I am getting used to the black cat.
But still in one corner of my heart, I have a question.
Is the cat really an omen?
Is she giving me some clues or news by her sudden appearance in my life?

I will never know, may be she is an omen. How ugly an omen though!!

in search of UTOPIA

From here, the view is pretty amazing. I feel like Spiderman sitting on the top of Empire State and watching over the world. Or like Superman having an aerial view of world. Everything is so tiny and I am so mighty. Am I the God? Hehe... No I am still gods another creation, an unique creation though.

What do I see from here?

One side I see, the skyscrapers and prosperous malls, other side only traffic jams. One is the boon of modernization, other its side effect (at least in Bangalore)

I am sitting on the forth floor of my new office. This office is next to Forum. So you can imagine what I am talking about. Alas I don’t have a pretty good view of Forum from my position, but still I can see many more interesting things sitting right in my office.

I am watching you, but you can not watch me.

ps: From today, I would call this space as “in search of UTOPIA”. Not that I am changing myself or my quench in life, I, just want a change (it’s a trivial change though). I am still the same. Whenever you need me, I am and I will be there with you. That’s a promise.

I would like to quote Goli’s comment on my previous entry here. Thanks a lot Goli for sharing such meaningful words.

“If day in its dying,
Produces such splendors,

If light in its leaving,
blossoms with glory,

if stars in their shining,
have need of the darkness,

if life in its losing,
becomes a new finding,

Why should I be afraid?”

The greatest fear

Last few days, and still even today I have been living with worst of my fears. I feared about it every moment, and I thought about it. Fear is one tendency, which makes you very weak, emotionally as well as physically. I felt the same happening with me.

What is the best way to cure this fear? I guess, to face it straightway. You cannot escape it. If you don’t see it in front of you, it will enter your mind and will affect you from there.

So its time that you make up your mind, and face it like a brave boy.

Whatever is happening, its happening for good. So why not let it happen in a controlled way. Why not control your course of life.

ps: its my 100^th post on blogger. I will write a testimony sometime soon.

The sixth sense

I can see some hazy pictures. They are not just dreams.

What do these pictures show me?

I was never sure about it. But then off late some events made me analyze these pictures. I never noticed them so much and tried to ignore them considering them just the dreams.
But, today I am sure; there is something, there is something these picture trying to show me.

Actually we all see them and like me most of the time we ignore them. We ignore them coz of our convenience. We believe what we like and leave the rest.

I am sure these pictures are broadcasted by my guardian angel, to guide me through good and bad times. They are an indication of some of the events in my future, events which can change the course of my life. These are help which the omen offers me to take some of the most important decisions in my life.

If I ignore them, it will be my mistake; the God tried his best to help me.
So let me try to follow the pictures and try to chart out course of my life.

ps: I am coming back to life.

blank document

The thought process has slowed down a bit.
Will be back once its back to normal.

Pritesh

its all over

Clock has finally ticked.

I have thought and discussed my problem. And finally have arrived to a solution.

I really appreciate the help and concern shown by my friends. Its these bad times that we come know who our real friends are. I am thankful to God that I have got plenty of such friends.

Its all right now. End of bad phase of my life has started.
Life is kicking again, the smoke will arise soon.

In the end, the show must go on and I am sure it will go on.

tic tic tic tic

Time is crawling. Sometimes you don’t even realize when time just flies by but at other time it becomes so slow that it feels like walking to death.

Today it’s one such phase in my life. Time has come to a standstill.

I have read newspaper; I have read novel. I have watched one or two movies, watched some parts of a football match, had small talks with friends; but its still so much time left before the next day.

Sleep is not coming in the eyes, my bed must have been tired after the innumerable times I have changed my position in an attempt to sleep. I close my eyes and I see the same dream. Its not dream actually, it’s the reality – the bitter reality.

Words are not coming out of my mouth; all my sense has been lost. I think again and again about the same thing, and feel hurt.

I cant talk with anyone also, coz I know its only me who can self myself today. It’s all my deeds, so I will have to fight with myself to find the peace.

Why the hell is clock running so slow, I just want this day to get over.

lost and found

Every phase of a life there is a lost and found account to be settled. If you don’t settle it at the moment, you make it more difficult to handle. It’s a cycle, a vicious cycle of life that you can not avoid.

Without leaving behind something, new things cannot be achieved. Other way, you need to look for some new things when the old one becomes monotonous.

No way it means that you need to dump what you don’t like today. Neither it means that you leave behind things that do matter to you anymore. Lost and found is a natural process.

Today I know what I was losing behind when leaving Bangalore, and also when leaving Khandwa. It was a part of me that I lost each time. I found another part, somewhat different from the previous one.

And today I know that this is just part of life, I will have to learn to adjust to it.

burden of 100+ lives

The flight experience while traveling from Bangalore to Mumbai was super nourishing for my thought process. From 10:30pm to 5:00am sitting alone on Mumbai Airport, I thought about many things.

The foremost was that about the feelings of the pilot of an aircraft. The flight had more than 100 passengers. When it entered troubled regions, all the 100+ lives become a burden on the pilot’s shoulder. All this while he was carrying this weight with him but suddenly it seemed like he became the Atlas. Now he had to make sure more that each and every life was safe and secure. More that even his own life was in danger. He must have felt like a soldier in the battlefield. He was eying with his enemy (bad weather) and trying to fulfill his duty.

I wonder what would be the last thoughts in the mind of a soldier.
Does he think about his motherland and its safety?
Or just like any other normal human, he sees his death dancing in front of him?
Second one looks more human. My English teacher in school believed firmly that no soldier thinks about his duty in the last moments, he just thinks about his life. May be she is true.
Too difficult a question to find a simple answer.

Most of the war veterans suffer from sleep disorders and loss of orientation after they come back from the battle field. Many of them have accepted that they think a lot of about the killings they have done. They feel it was not justified. Their memories haunt them throughout their life.

I read a real nice line on war recently "War do not decide who is right, they decide what is left"

Does a terrorist think the same way? Does he ever feel the burden of so many lives, or he really thinks killing is his noble duty?

Is the burden on 100+ lives so heavy to carry?

28000 ft closer to the God

Part ONE: Bangalore to Mumbai
The journey to home was by air through Mumbai. It’s so sad for Indorians that we still do not have good flight connectivity with other parts of country.

So I headed to Mumbai in Sahara flight. Luckily the flight was almost on time; there was not much hassle about security check also. It was an evening flight bound directly to Mumbai.

It was raining mildly when the flight was about to start. It doesn’t bother much though.

But half an hour into the journey and it was stuck in bad weather. It was raining heavily and there were lightening all around. For someone with so less experience about air journey as me, this was real frightening experience. The captain of the flight put the emergency signals on and all the seatbelts were put on again. Outside you could see only lighting; no sound though. The flight was shacking like anything. I felt like I was driving on Bangalore roads.

Somehow the lighting phase passed, but then it started raining even more heavily. The tiny drops of water were not able to stick to the window glass of the plane. They touched the surface and started stretching. I could see only long thin wire outside my window. So strange!! The vary water drops was shacking the flight and now there was not much of existence for it.

When finally the flight landed on Mumbai airport I felt relaxed. I thank the flight captain and crew for the safe journey.

The second phase was to start after 7 hours and I had to spend those 7 long hours on Mumbai airport. I am kind of used to it now. Mumbai airport is not the best you can expect for the city of kind of Mumbai, nonetheless its good enough. Somehow I spent those seven hours, fighting with my sleep.

Part TWO: Mumbai to Indore
The connecting flight to Indore was in Indian. One thing is for sure; after an airhostess retires from her job, she can easily join Indian. They have got the oldest lot of airhostesses who look so indifferent to their duty. Indian really needs to improve on this aspect.

Again we faced some showers but this time they were really mild and present.

The best part was that I saw the sunrise above the cloud. Everything around me was white and we were going at great speed. Seeing rising sun in such a background is breathtaking. White clouds in different shapes looked like some artists work. I wish I could take out my camera that time. I would have taken some of the best photos you can ever see. Alas I was in a flight.

Part THREE: Indore to Maheshwar
I reached Indore safely and happily. Soon I will take a bus for Maheshwar from Indore. That will be the last part of my journey to home. It was real tiring journey. Roads are pathetic in MP so are the bus services. They drive recklessly. For twice we avoided big accidents.

I just thank God that I could reach home safely. An eventful journey.

I am back

I am back.
Back with lots of stories.
With lots of moments to share with all.

Going home has always been very emotional for me. But this time I felt more attached with the trip.

While boarding the flight for Mumbai, I felt I was losing something behind in Bangalore. Strangely I had the same feeling when I was boarding train at Khandwa station for my return journey.

I thought a lot about the loss I was having. Overnight stay at Mumbai airport to catch the connecting flight and 26 hours of travel in train gave me lots of time to think about it.

I wrote down some of my thoughts, while most are still wandering in the darkness of mind.

I will try to collect them all and put forward here. It’s really important for me than anyone else.

Keep tuned for lots of new things here.

Home calling

Last five years, Bangalore has been my home; my karmabhumi, my rangbhumi.

Every six month or so I would go to Indore (or Bakaner or Maheshwar, wherever my parents are). Those visits are the moments for which I am living. Its not easy to live away from family. At least this separation is not easy for my parents.

Those times are coming again. I am going home. Home sweet home.

Away from computer, away from Internet.
Away from this fascinating world of blogs.
Some things in life are really inevitable. And this is surely one of them.

But I promise, I will be back.
Back with lots of new stories, with lots of new pictures.

Abhi to safar ki shuruat hui hai.

OMKARA continued

Some of the memorable scenes from Omkara

1. Bhaisaab and Omi have finished the pooja and Omi has to declare about the new Bahubali. He selects Kesu Firangi over his brother Langda Tyagi. It’s duty of Langda to announce the decision for the public who is waiting religiously near the riverbanks. He goes and shouts Kesu Firangi. Everyone is joyous and they start celebrating.

The scene is shoot on a vast canvas. The temple is on a small hilltop on the riverbank. Thousand of villagers are waiting eagerly for the new Bahubali. Really amazing scene. Superb camera work and conceptualization.

2. Kesu was not expecting to become Bahubali. When he is declared Bahubali, he is shocked and his eyes say it all. The humble and grateful looks are very natural. Vivek gets 100% for this scene.

3. Langda Tyagi is heart broke after announcement of new Bahubali; he was very much sure of becoming the one. He breaks the mirror and brands himself with the blood. He has declared himself the Bahubali. It’s the start of the revolt or rather conspiracy.

4. Bhaisaab tells Langda to stop the train by pulling the chain. TC comes. Bhaisaab tells him to turn the train, coz Omi and Langda have changed their plan and they have to go back.

5. Langda and Rajju are sitting on the bridge over the river and drinking. Both are sad after the turn of events. Pain can be seen in their eyes, so is the determination to take revenge. Everything is fare in love and war.

6. last scene where Omi kills Dolly and then himself. Dolly’s body is on the big Jhula in the room while Omi is lying below it. and the Jhula is moving. Dance of the death or smile of death? Such a imaginative work of camera.

These and many more. Will write about them some other time.

OMKARA

In the beginning director Vishal Bhardwaj makes a statement that this film is his adaptation of the Shakespeare masterpiece "Othello".

I have not read Othello but I can tell for sure, that it must be masterpiece. And no doubt, this movie is also one.

Bollywood is not the best place for movies on big canvas. But Omkara is build on some other turf. Authenticity is the key for this movie. Never before we had such an importance given to minute details; be it language, be it the village or the marriage functions. Vishal Bhardwaj has been credited with some of the most creative work in Bollywood, Omkara being one of his best sketch.

Movie is based in Uttar Pradesh. Use of local dialect has given it classy touch. Too many swear words, but aren’t they part of daily language (at least in villages). Dialogues are short and crisp. I guess it will be difficult to translate them for someone who does not understand the language. You can feel the spirit only in the original language.

Vishal is a class director. With a tight screenplay and direction, he has shown the best usage of most of the bollywood talent. Best of their breed actors are another plus for the movie. Ajay as Omkara, Saif as Langda Tyagi, Nasir as Bhaisaab, Vivek as Kesu Firangi, Kareena as Dolly, Bipasha as Billo and Konkana as Indu; there could not have been a better starcast. I should say Vivek and Kareena are in their best in the movie. Rest have performed as usual with their 200%

The music is apt for the the big canvas. It matches with the spirit of the movie.Even the background score tunes to the theme of movie. They give authentic touch to the movie. Two item numbers picturised on Bipasha adds to the experience. They are classics. Vishal is music director from heart. And this movie proves it. Its a song; its a saga.

Overall I give it 4.5/5 rating. Its a must watch, I should say. If you like to watch any movie with theme and sense, go and watch Omkara. You wont regret.

More about the movie can be read here:

• Omkara on imdb
• Omkara on wikipedia
• Official website for the movie - Really nice site. You must visit it.
  

365 days as an IT guy

Today it is first anniversary of my professional life. Last year the same day I joined the world of weirdoes. Not that today I live a different life, but still being called IT pro sounds really cool.

Today when I am trying to write about my first day at work, I am finding it so hard to remember most of it. Such an uneventful day it would have been, I swear. We five friends from college joined the company on same day. Only thing I recall for that day is that I had signed loads of papers; some setup for computer and mailing. And that’s it. There was no formal welcome program or anything like that.
This is one grudge I will always have in my heart. Why a big IT company, who spends loads of money on every silly thing, can not offer some good unforgettable moments on the very first day of work to someone just out of college? But forget it; something can not be changed now, at least for me.

First year at work was a learning experience. Industry life is totally different from college life, at least from knowledge point of view. No book can help you much here. Only thing which is going to help you is experience. Learning through experience is the best way to cope in this competitive world.

There was one more very basic different. There are no senior junior here. While even today I call some of my favorite seniors from college by Sir, here at work everyone is at first name basis. No one has any false air about his post or knowledge. Everyone is approachable and is helpful in any matter. This is one thing that is to be cherished in such an environment.

Here I met some of the best friends and colleagues. I worked in different teams, and enjoyed each one of them. My bosses have always been more than just a boss; he is one big friend to me. So much to learn from him, so less is the time. My teammates have always been very supportive and sportive. Never once I had any problem regarding work going to home with me. I am really thankful to all those people.

On the personal end, this one year saw me maturing (?) from a college going lad to (somewhat) responsible working guy. Money starting coming; the experience of spending your money was a superb one. We managed our own house, with a kitchen. We have our own home now. Ups and downs of relations, problem from daily life I saw it all. How much I learnt from them, only the time can tell.

But overall what a kick ass year it was.
Many more to go…