mera sirf naam hi joker hai..

Mera Naam Joker - 3

I knew the path I had chosen was not easy. Everyone takes the easiest path and I didn’t want to be like them. I was not one amongst them; I was special. Life became my companion in my noble mission. It was my friend, philosopher and strength. I would explore each and every moment of life. I would live every bit of it and try to figure the positive side of it. It was my sheer optimism that I could smile in any situation. Trust me those smiles were not fake. They were whole hearted appreciation of God’s gift to humans.

I accept I faked those tears most of the time. I pretended to relate to all your worries; I cried with you. But I was just mimicking those emotions. How could I live with so many broken hearts, so many scattered dreams, and so many worries? I just could not. So I forged your emotions. I did it just to assure you that I understand you and I would be there whenever you need. I never needed to sing “I‘ll be there for you,” thus. But I was always there when anyone needed me. You confided in me, told me your worries, shared your darkest secrets and went away. For you it was like a salvation, for me it was satisfaction. I was standing on the other side of confession window.

I did it tirelessly; I did it even when it was associated with my life. I was there when she came to me asking for a friend; I was there when she came to me expecting someone to confide in. I was there too when she came to introduce her lover to me. How happy she was. Looking at those content faces, I just could not say that even I loved her. She would have surely asked “are you joking?” and I could not have answered that. How could I tell her, “Only my name is joker, I am not a joke? I am a human too and I do have a heart. And that heart beats for you.” I just could not. I smiled and congratulated her. They too smiled. One more days work over. It’s appears so filmy. Trust me, that night I didn’t need to fake tears.

Sometimes I wonder what others think about me. Do they ever think of me as a human being, a fellow human being like them? I was always afraid that they would never understand me. They never got a chance; I never had the courage to explain to them. May be destiny was meant this way only. They come, I joke, and they laugh and then go home. I am back in my small world.

I don’t regret anything. I am more than satisfied with whatever I have done. Satisfaction of giving is much more pleasurable than any other worldly affairs. I am joker and would love to reincarnate as joker.

Till that time …

“Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan,
Iske Siva Jaana Kahan
Ji Chahe Jab Humko Awaaz Do
Hum Hain Wahin Hum Thhe Jahan,
Apne Yahin Dono Jahan
Iske Siva Jana Kahan
Jeena Yahan ......

Yeh Mera Geet Jeevan Sangeet
Kal Bhi Koi Dohrayega
Jag Ko Hasane Bahrupiya
Roop Badal Phir Aayega
Swarg Yahin Nark Yahan
Iske Siva Jana Kahan
Jeena Yahan ......

Kal Khel Mein Hum Ho Na Ho
Gardish Mein Taare Rahenge Sada
Bhoolenge Hum Bhoologe Tum
Par Hum Tumhare Rahenge Sada
Rahenge Yahin Apne Nishan
Iske Siva Jana Kahan
Jeena Yahan ...”

ps:
inspired by
• Mera Naam Joker by Raj Kapoor
• “Nahi Rakhta Dil Me” by Lucky Ali (album – sifar).