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the search continues...

ps: Sometime I hate these one liners. But I really cannot help it right now. Too busy with work and stuff. Stuff bole to personal life. Work bole to trainings in company. Can you believe that I am on a five day training that costs more than my salary for one month!!!
do paise ki baat: Training corporates is a really big business, dude.

five point someone

1. Tell me about yourself.
2. Tell me about two of your greatest strengths.
3. Tell me about two of your greatest weaknesses and how do you plan to overcome them.
4. Tell me what is so unique about you that no one else has.
5. What are your expectations from us.

- A cofused soul's guide to self realization.

yeh hosla

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke...

Manzil Mushkil to kya,
Dhoondla Sahil to kya,
Tanha Ye Dil to Kya
Ho Hooo

Raah Pe Kante Bikhre agar,
Uspe to phir bhi chalna hi hai,
Saam Chhupale Suraj magar,
Raat ko ek din Dhalana hi hai,

Rut ye tal jayegi,
Himmat rang layegi,
Subha phir aayegi
Hoooo

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke...

Hogi hame to rehmat ada,
Dhup kategi saaye tale,
Apni khuda se hai ye Dua,
Manzil lagale humko gale

Zurrat so baar rahe,
Uncha Ikraar rahe,
Zinda har pyar rahe
Hoooo

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke...

- From movie Dor, song "Yeh Hosla"

aham brahmasmi

Being larger than life is an addiction. It can result in loss of your identity.

a thousand words

challenge yourself

I asked her
what should I do
To get back into groove,
To be myself again,
And to redeem myself
From this self-pity and guilt?

"Challenge yourself.
Award or Punishment.
Any of these has to work."

khana khazana

Continueing from Khate jao khate jao...

I found it strange that nobody asked me why I had been to a dietitian at first place. Arre the people who have seen me know what I mean. Okay for others, I am so lean mean and thin that many a times I need to visit children's section in those shopping malls for a perfect size.
Then why? Why, why, why?
So here is the daswa sawal for 50Lac.

Q10: Why did PritS visit dietitian last week?
and here are your option-
A. On the intranet they published photo of the dietitian which was supposed to visit the company campus.
B. The visit was arranged by company. No fees. And PritS can go anywhere if it is free.
C. The cute little paunch that PritS has been sporting off late is now fattening faster than inflation rate.
D. PritS's company had forced him to meet the dietitian in the hope that there he might find his girl and leave his single status. Employee facilities and CTC part you see.

Think think...
Weigh all the options...
No helplines here, though. I am not as generous as SRK you know.
Okay...
I know you finding it tough to answer...

Chalo let me give the answer.
[everyone silent, all eyes at the computerji]

And the answer is E. It was part of free quarterly checkup drive for all the employees.
Oh did I not give you E option?
Hehe.. How can I do that. KBC always had only four options. They don't give more even if Mr Tag Heuer SRK conducts the show.

Anyways, coming back to topic now.
So this cute dietitian (hello don't be scandalize, what if she already married to someone. I am just commenting about her cuteness) told me that I need to cut on my fat intake and sugar consumptions. I had high cholestrol, she told me. I was staring at her with my jaws open. She must be kidding. SRK has really corrupted all minds with those sick jokes. I asked her to repeat if she really meant what she was saying and if that meant I was needed to stop eating fatty food n all. She reiterated with a big YES.
A heart broken. I said yes, in the lowest of my pitch. In my heart, I felt like laughing. My mom would be surely shocked when she hears that.
Next time when I go home, I wont need to eat those chapatis with ghee (I never liked them you know, but was always forced to eat them). Rest I cann't help yaar.
Ham jeene ki liye nahi khate hai balki khane ke liye jeete hain.

So how did I celebrated this great day of those amazing revelations. I ate three extra cheese slices with my aloo parathas in the dinner. yummmmmmmmm they were. :)

kahte jao khate jao...

"I am married to a marwadi jain family and I know how much ghee and sweets they eat," said the dietitian. I dint know if it was a compliment or insult. I give her a smug look with a grin on my face. She understood that this guy is hopeless.

Having been born and brought up in Nimar/Malwa (region around Indore) and spent most of my life there, food comes as a natural obsession for me. Aakhir hamara janam hi khane ke liye hua hai. Childhood was full fun coz of the variety of home made food we used to eat. Each festive season, the whole family would gather at one place and then there would be a lavish treat for everyone. Everything home made, and being Jain it also meant No aloo (potato), pyaj(onion) etc. So a variety of green vegetables, mixed and matched in all types of permutations and combinations, fried with pure ghee (that too homemade) served hot with different kinds of bread (roties and parathas). No three course meals, everything and anything at one time. There would be at least 4 cups in the plate and one with sweet outside the plate. yummm...I miss those days a lot.

One more really special fact about that time was that we never went out to have food. Only occasionally we would see face of a hotel. Anything you ask for, it will be prepared in the home. No spending extra money on unhygienic food. I still remember how we used to pataofy our parents for a meal out. We never cherish good things in our hand you know. Now when I live away from my home, I miss those homely treats a lot.

We Jain's have a uncanny taste for trying out new things. Let me give you an example that would bowl you out. During the summer season, mango can be found in every house. Green mango is used to make achar (pickle). The ripe one is used in a way that nobody can ever think of. Take a look here.
First thing you can make from Mango is Mango juice. A inevitable part of lunch during summer at our house. So you use mango pulp for making this juice. But what about the chilka(skin) and guthli(the seed). Do we throw them away? No way... Clean and wash them and then dry. Now we make sabji of them. Trust me I never liked those Sabjis when I was there, but now when I eat them, I just feel proud of my mom and my food culture. I know you still cant digest this fact. This summer my mom is planning to come to Bangalore, I would invite you for such a treat then.

Whenever I go home now, my mom would be all prepared for the same treat. All the pickles (mango, lemon, dates, red chilly, green chilly, mix, amla) would be in place, properly decorated near the dining table. Papad (moong, chana, joovar, chaval, kela) always handy for that extra pinch of taste along with the ravishing meals. Day starts with a hot cup of tea (she could never make me drink milk at home, while I drink one full glass here in Bangalore), served with some home made biscuits and sweet/namkeen. There would be atleast 5-6 types of namkeens available on any given day. Lunch and an early dinner (Jains don't eat after sunset you know) are always completed with sweets and namkeens. I forgot to mention evening snacks and the late night nashta. Eat eat and eat.

continue...

Bookless in Baghdad

I have not read Bookless in Baghdad by Shashi Tharoor. But I chose this title coz it aptly relates to the phase I have been through.

How would it feel if you are left in the middle of nowhere and no one to give you company? "Alone, Not Lonely," taking the cue from Reema's blog.
You tend to forget that there is one person always giving you company and that one person will always be with you, no matter how good or bad time is. That one person is none other that you. If you believe in God, you can call it God. If you don't, you call it your self. We come to know about it's existence only when we are all alone. Then only it's voice can be heard. Otherwise we just ignore its existence altogether.

I faced a similar situation recently. I went to a very beautiful place and my camera was not working. How did I feel?

I felt cheated and lost. Sense of failure overshadowed my feelings. I felt so sad that my camera was not there to capture the beauty that I forgot that I had my eyes and other senses to do precisely the same. One sense ruled all the others, logic was butchered. It took me sometime to realise this fact that it was I who was not more bothered about the camera and surely I can do without it. I, then, tried to enjoy the beauty and guess what, the place was more beautiful than it looked at the first sight.

This happens to all of us sometime or the other. In the heat of the moment we tend to ignore the importance of what we already have and wish for something which is not with us. Ghar ki murgi dal barabar hoti hai. Art of happiness teaches you one very basic concept of feeling contended with what you have. I wish I can master this soon.

V Day bug

Love is in air...
Still, what I catch is this bloody flu!!!

Patterns

"There is only one sure shot rule about life and that is there no rule."
This is one saying that I would surely refute. At least that is what I have learnt from whatever experience I gained in life in 22 odd years.

There is pattern to everything. Anything and everything can be parsed to a complex (or sometimes simple) mathematical or logical equation. There are effects and ends. Which can be put in two side of a equation. Mathematics really holds the key sometimes. After reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, I became more sure about this.

Square, round, triangular or linear - our life just revolves around patterns. Dimensions define the limits and we just a slave of them. Every relation is just a complex equation involving needs, expectations and desires. Feeling and emotions just try to make a wrapper around these hidden things.

Tolstoy told once "All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I partly agree to him. Even each unhappy family can be unhappy in a predefined way.
Its all the same in the end. Sometimes it just a two-faced coin while at others a multi-face solid. How we understand things just depends on how we see it.
When I fell in love, everyone around me looked in a similar phase with almost same kind of story. So many of them. Love was in air.
When I broke up with my love, I found so many like me. All sharing similar pains. Reasons and results not differing from each other. Tears in eyes everywhere. I don't see anything special anywhere. Just that we are unaware of things. Our ignorance is the hindrance in finding these patterns of relations.

They say, "Sawan ke andhe ko sab kuch hara hi dikhta hai" I say this is ignorance.

Krantikari in the bus

1st Feb 2007

Bus and train (especially sleeper class) journey are very interesting sometimes. You get to meet interesting people. Sadly you dont get such chances in aeroplane or for that matter AC coaches in train. There everyone is just too much involved in himself/herslef and you end up mimicking them.

This time while going from Indore to Maheshwar I took the state run bus for the journey. The distance is just 70km but due to really bad condition of roads in MP, it takes around 2 and half hour for this journey. Moreover with the kind of rash driving which happens on these roads, it would be a foolishness if you do any such journey without being medically insured. I did take such a challange this time (I was jobless you know) and thank god that I survived.

So here in this bus, I happen to hear a conversation between two person sitting on the seat behind me. Evedropping is a bad habit, but the way they were talking and also the things they were talking compelled me to listen to their conversation.

The two guys on the seat behind me had a conversation like this. I dont remember how the talk started as initially I dint pay much attention to their talk. Here I try to reproduce their talks. [talks are in Hindi, I did not feel like translating them to english as it will kill the spirit]

A (He is the guy who is giving all the gyan): tumko pata hai hamare gaon ko har koi jaanata hai. Tum bhopal jaakar kisi se bhi pooch lo ki ye XXX gaon kahan hai. Vo tumko mere gaon pahoonchne ka raasta bata denge. Arre bhopal kyun, tum dilli me bhi kisi se pooch lo. Vo Kalam bhi jaanata hoga.

B (He is taking all the gyan): Kya baat hai!! Par aisa kyun? Itna famous kyun hai tumhara gaon?

A: Arre tumko nahi pata. Vahan 200 gharo ke beech me 100 bandooken (Guns) hain. Har ghar me kulhadi (axe) hai. Koi kabhi aankh utha ke bhi nahi dekhta hamare gaon ki taraf. Kabhi bhi kisi ko jaroorat ho, yahan ke ladke pahoonch jaate hai. Abhi kal indore me problem hua tha naa. Ek phone aaya, aur aadhe ghante me maine 4 eicher (translates to around 200 guys) ladko ko ikththa kar liya. Saala koi tension nahi hai apne gaon me. Kabhi koi danga nahi hota. Saala musalmano ko daba kar rakha hua hai. Samajha?

B: Sahi hai bhai. Ye to bahut hi achchi bat hai. Achha bhai, aap karte kya ho?

A: Arre mein ek seth ke yahan naukari karta hoon. Vahi se khane peene ke paise ka intejaam ho jaata hai. Baaki sabhi baap ne intejaam kar ke rakha hai.

B: Arre ekdum sahi hai. To bhai aap netagiri bhi karte ho?

A: Arre nahi re. Neta saale sab #@#@ hote hain. Mein in sab chakkar me nahi padta. Mein to samaj seva me kaam karta hoon. Tujhe pata hai, aaj se das saal pahle mujhe koi nahi jaanata tha. tab se maine itna kaam kiya hai yahan ke logon ke liye ki ab is area ka bachcha bachcha jaanata hai. Aas pas ke kisi bhi gaon me jaata hoon to dost hai. Mere papa mammi to pareshan ho jaate hain ki itne saare dost hai. Ab vo thode hi samajhte hai ki kitna fayada hota hai.
Abhi dekh mera hisab kya hai. Aas paas ke 40 gaon me maine apne pehchan bana li hai. Is janpad ke 50 me se 40 gaon aise ho gaye hain ki kisi bhi din 50 ladke mere support me aa jaate hai. Ab in sab ke saath milkar mein yadi koi bhi kaam karta hoon to chutkiyon me khatam ho jaata hai. Koi neta ki jaroorat nahi. Kisi bhi tarah mujhe is janpad ka control karna hai. Netagiri apne bas ki baat nahi.

B: Ye to ekdum mast idea hai. To aapki matar gashti bhi bahut hoti hogi?

A: Nahi re. Apan to ekdum hisab se jeete hai. Maine apni maa ko kah diya hai ki ladkibaaji se mein door hoon. Baaki kisi cheej se mujhe rokna nahi. Ab aajkal Bajarang dal ka kaam sambhala hai. Apne gaon me bada sa group banaya hai. Mein kya bolta hoon, jitna bhi maine seekha hai usse ek hi baat samajh me aayi hai. Agle paanch saal me ham hindu nahi jaage to ye log (Muslims) desh par kabja kar lenge. Dekh raha hai unki family kitni speed se badti hai. Saale bas bachche paida karte jaate hain. To maine to apne parivar ko kah diya hai ki, kuch karke dikhana hai.

B: vo to sahi hai bhai, par phir bhi thode time me in sab cheejon se man oob (get bored) jata hai.

A: Arre nahi re. Maine to ise apna dharam maan liya hai. RSS ke saath kaam karne se mujhe koi oob nahi hoti.

B: Par jab shadi ho jaayegi tab?

A: Arre shadi ka in sab se kya len-den. Meri bibi ghar me rahegi aur mere kaam chalte rahenge. Koi farak nahi padega. Dekh in sab cheejon se koi farak nahi padta. Keval maa-baap kahte rahte hain. Har koi chahata hai ki change ho. Vo chahte hain ki Bhagat Singh unke pados me paida ho par unka ladka dhadha hi kare. Meine to bol diya hai ki mein vahi karoonga jo man karega. Meri chinta karna chod do.

B: Bahut badi baat kah di bhai aapne. To aap logon ne kya kya kiya hai.

A: Arre gaon mein jab bhi kisi cheej ki jaroorat hoti hai, ham pahoonch jaate hai. Abhi moharram par sab jagah dange ho rahe the naa.. hamne apne gaon me sabko samjha diya. Saala koi natak nahi hua. Aise hi situation theek hogi nahi to ye log to sir par hi chad jaate hain. Arre ab to apni hi government (BJP is in power in MP) hai, ab kisse darna.

B: Haan ye baat to hai. Vaise bajarang dal vagerah ekdum mast kaam kar rahe hain. Sabko shant kar diya hai.

A: Arre ye to kuch bhi nahi. Mumbai me ek Thakrey hai. Shivsena ka leader hai, usne to pure mumbai ko hi hila diya hai. Sab to choop kara diya hai.

B: Haan bhai yeh naam to suna hai. Maharshtra ka hai naa?

A: Nahi re, mumbai ka. Budha hai phir bhi dum bahut hai usme. Aaajkal uske ladke bhi dekh rahe hain kaam.
B: Arre haan haan. Do ladke hai uske.
A: haan. vo hi. Hamare kaam me madad karta hai. Ab ham hi logo ko kuch karna hoga. Nahi to ye log to poore desh par kabja kar lenge. Congress to kuch karne vali nahi hai.

There is much more. I am tired of typing. If I find time, I shall write the complete talk. Many more interesting things to know there.
All these while I tried to be a silent spectator. I did not look back. When I was about to get down, I chanced upto to see these two guys.
Mr B looked like a college going guy coming from a well to do family.
Mr A, interestingly, looked much younger to how he was talking. He looked as someone around 20 and with a normal background. Ofcourse, no saffron scarf or head gear in his attire. He belongs to the same brigade though. I call them chutbhaiya neta.

ps: taken from my diary back home. I have missed some pages in between. I thought I will share it here and then will come back to remaining.

earth/fire/water

Parzania could not be released in multiplexes in Gujrat because the theatre-owners are worried about safety of their property if they show this controversial movie on Gujrat violence. They wanted some leader of local Hindu outfit to watch the movie and certify before releasing it. All this after the fact that the movie has got all the required permissions from CBFC and also that it is running peacefully in whole country.

Indore and many other towns of MP were converted into high security zones during recent festival time. Everywhere there were communal tension. Reason could be anything - a dead cow, a truck carrying lots of cows, aarati on loud speakers in the temple close to karbalamaidaan, procession route for muslim tajiye or any other damn reason. Hindu and Muslim outfits are ready to burn cities at the tiniest of problem. There are bandhs, curfews and 144 everywhere.

All commercial establishments, educational institutions and public transport modules were halted on the day of Cauvery Tribunal decision day in Bangalore. This is not the end. Pro Kannada organizations are planning a state wide bandh on 12th. Incidentally this bandh was initially proposed on 8th Feb, but on request of Mr CM, they postponed it. Safety of life and property is prime concern for the whole state.

Where are we heading? The above list is not the end. There are many Signurs, Asam killings, Kashmir killings and the list goes on. Everywhere the end results are same. There is loss of life, public property and business. Every time a small issue is blown out of proportion due to petty political motives. Government is clueless and public is suffering.

Language, religion, origin, sex - reason could be any. There is discrimination at every stage. And politicians are doing everything possible to gain from it. Koi marta hai to marne do, ham to par chitahaath sekte hain.

God save this country and poor public. When will we grow up and understand the bloody game these politicians are playing?

a new start

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am ...

Day one (or rather 0.5, thanks to Cauvery verdict) got over smoothly. I am part of dream world now. At least for some time. The place is good, with interesting people and work culture. Office premises are designed and crafted beautifully. Creativity really makes it so pleasant to sit in such environment. The floor plan is bit confusing though. Every time I reach a different restroom. Good thing is that I see newer faces every time.

Journey between office and home is a two hour event now. I cross through the most busiest roads of Bangalore. And very soon I will be able to boast about knowing route details for shuttles of all major MNCs in Bangalore. I think very soon I will be part of those sleepy heads dozing in their Cabs.

Work - just about to start with that. New things to learn, new ways of learning. Lets see how it goes.

Here is a toast to my new job.
I finally did it.

26th Jan 2007

Losing myself

So there I was, again at the same junction. It was clearly a dejavu. Everything seemed so fresh and new. I could actually feel each of those moments.

That we were sitting and talking on the same steps outside the waiting area. That how both of us were smiling unaware of things which were coming our way. Really near in future; now that is past. None of us said anything. May be that silence was supposed to mean somethings.

Memories - they live and fly like butterflies. You can see their beauty, enjoy all the colors but still can not capture all of them. Or rather hold them. They just come and go on their own wish.
Whenever I leave bangalore, I get this feeling of leaving behind something. The fear of losing something/someone makes me weak and vulnerable.

What do I owe that can leave me?
Or if there is really such thing/person in this world, won't these feelings reciprocate for them too?
Some questions are very difficult to answer.
We never met again.

ps: Taken from my diary from journey back home. I am back, and shall be right there very soon.